Finding Happiness

I am curious if anyone has read “The Happiness Project“ by  Gretchen Rubin? If so I would love to hear your comments. 

http://www.gretchenrubin.com/books/the-happiness-project/about-the-book/

I somehow found this book at the King County Library website and I have just checked it out for the second time. It is one of those reads I want to take slowly and savor every chapter.  I am only on March and the book chronicles an entire year of one woman’s journey to become truly happy.

I know I have been offered wonderful opportunity and I don’t want this time to go to waste.  I don’t want to live my life with regrets. Such as, why didn’t I take opportunities, or spend more time with kids, or laugh with my parents, travel with my sisters.   Why don’t I enjoy every day instead of trying so hard to fit everything into my schedule.  For years I haven’t been able to find the time to do things I need and want to do. 

Now I have time.  I can read a book (and I am reading several – and not just fiction this time).  I can look up all those movies we have missed over the years and download them.  I can finally watch Call the Midwife and I can take long walks.  I have time to think and to plan. 

Before I left the states I spent several weeks with a life coach and now I get weekly emails which somehow always seem to answer the question I am asking myself that week.  The last newsletter she wrote about taking September as a time to relax or ‘Dolce far niente’ which is Italian for ‘sweet doing nothing.’ The deliciousness of doing nothing and saying yes to life! It sounds so simple, right?  With a life of living running on high speed it is so hard to slow down.  I am hard wired (as are my sisters, although they much more then I am, especially now) to work hard, all the time.  We don’t know how to just sit. If we have spare time we go for hike, or plant a garden, or cook.

Having so much time on my hands is interesting. I find I have been here almost two months now and haven’t even tried to find a job, although it is always on my mind. I want to find something that I can continue to use when we return because we are a part of the growing number of boomers that will always need an income to help supplement their retirement.  Which is ok because I am happiest when I am working, especially if it is something I am passionate about, I just don’t want to work too hard anymore.

Of course all that time on my hands makes me dread the big D.  When I find myself lacking, and by lacking I mean not trying hard to help others; I tend to start sliding into depression and wondering if I have value, or something worthwhile to offer.   

To keep myself busy I am going to take the month of September to plan my year of finding happiness.  What one change can I make each month that will help me become a happier person? I only need to come up with 12 things to work on, it won’t be too hard I hope. 

You can find Etka’s blog at this link: http://www.i-dci.com/blog/.  If you think #18 on Dolce far niente is good be sure to check out #17.

What is happening in Hai Phong this month?  Typhoon Kalmaegi landed and besides keeping us locked in the house for a couple of days we were OK.  There were some trees down and power outages but Hai Phong was OK.  Other area's, not so much.  We are settling in, gaining back the weight we lost while I was struggling with cooking. I am getting more comfortable with the lack of everything we take for granted in the US. We have found some OK wine and a place where we feel comfortable buying meat.  We are settling in and becoming more comfortable in our surroundings. I am volunteering to help teach two English classes, one a group of women expats and another is a business college. It sounds like I might get to plan a couple of fund raisers, one for a blind school and one for a music class at an orphanage.  But really, most of time I am learning how to have peace with dolce far niente.

Below are pictures from the storm and one of me shopping in the local IKEA.  I was so excited to see it listed by google as a home goods shop.  What you see is the entire store.

A Visit to Cổ Am Village

This story has been the hardest one to write so far.  I can’t put into words how enjoyable this visit was.  The entire day was a very moving experience. The people here in Vietnam treat us so nicely.  I hope that a take away from our time here will be to somehow return the hospitality we have been given. 

We joined our relator Mr. Xi (pronounced C) on a trip to his home in the countryside.  It was about an hour and a half to get to Cổ Am Village from Hai Phong. We went to this village to celebrate the new moon. In August they celebrate the Harvest Moon which is also a children’s celebration.  Mr. Xi’s company donated money to his countryside village to buy books and gifts for the children.  Mr. Xi was obviously well known and loved in his country village.  His parents have a family home there, his Auntie lived next door. He must have had many Aunts and Uncles because almost everyone we met was introduced to us as Aunt and/or Uncle. His aunt was pretty funny - she keep pointing to her arms and legs and my arms and legs to show how tiny she was compared to me. Ha Ha.  

Upon arriving in Cổ Am village we met up with some friends of Mr. Xi, a policeman and an army officer and their families.  They were all dressed up to visit the pagoda and give thanks. I immediately regretted my decision to dress for comfort.  We were ushered into the pagoda area which included several museums, and places of worship.  Please forgive my lack of knowledge here – I am trying to learn.  It was obviously a place of great respect for the people we were with.  Much money had been put into the park in this remote village which included several building and statues. We were introduced to the Area Director who oversaw the park which was about 31000 meters. The Director offered our group a tour of the entire park including all the buildings. After the tour we meet up with the Director as well as the head of security and another gentleman (not sure what he did but he sang very well). 

It was such a nice day, topped off with a wonderful lunch and several toasts.  John tried to keep up with the rice wine toasts.  I was trying to just sip the wine and not swig it.  Eventually they noticed that I wasn't fully participating and started offering toasts directly to me. Somehow even with the language challenge I realized they were insisting that I finish the entire glass (about 1 oz) for each toast.  At first I wished I had faded away to the women’s table but after finishing off the first glass I started to really enjoy the wine. The gentleman that could sing, sang a couple of Vietnamese anthems which were beautiful even though I didn't understand the words.  We enjoyed them so much that they suggested we sing.  Oh dear – my family knows that being able to sing on key is one of my biggest challenges.  John and I quickly went through our song list.  Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog – probable wasn't a good choice. We didn't know all the words to the God Bless America, and couldn’t hit all the notes for the Star Spangled Banner – so we settled on Hey Jude.  They were very nice with their polite applause.

During the toasts they thanked us for being the first foreigners to visit the pagoda.  It is hard to imagine this could be true – perhaps the first since this director was in place. But it felt good to be able to represent the US, and particularly the northwest. The people were lovely and we really enjoyed learning about Ngueyn Binh Khiem who was the founder of the park and pagoda.  He is the Vietnamese equivalent of Nostradamus and you can read more about him at this link. I found it  fascinating to learn about him and how he stood up to the government, and because of it became well respected throughout the country. I also really enjoyed that the singer just wanted to hold my hand and stayed close to me during all the photos.  Unfortunately the ones on my phone camera didn’t turn out so you just have to believe what I say.

Here is a link to the photo's Be sure to hit full screen when watching them.

We enjoyed our day and getting to know Mr. Xi’s friends and family. Mr. Xi is a young man – in his mid to late 30’s and he runs a very successful real estate business. He exemplifies what it means to give back.  He shares his success with his village and family. He is modest and so friendly.  It was wonderful watching him take the time to stop and visit with everyone who wanted say hello. He made sure to buy from the ladies selling bread and incense, and talk to everyone who wanted a minute of his time.  He is refurbishing a villa in the village and will retire their eventually. I can see him getting into local politics which would probably be a great thing for the little village. 

Ah, Sapa

August 20, 2014

If you have been following our Facebook posts you might have realized that we fell in love with Sapa. When researching our trip I kept seeing the words, indescribable, exhilarating, beautiful, extraordinary – and even with those words they still don’t completely describe the beauty of this place and the people who live here.

Sapa is northwest of Hanoi – reachable by car or by a 10 hour overnight train.  There are about 8 different trains that make this trip daily, all year long.  They vary only a little bit in price and in the times they leave and arrive in Sapa.  The main difference in price is how you are going to ride the train. We opted for a private car/compartment which is the most expensive, but well worth it.  

The ride was long and bumpy from Hanoi to Sapa.   I think we slept a little bit.  Our train was about 2 hours late arriving in Sapa. We were greeted by our guide but by the time we got to the bus for our hotel it was full.  We were put on another bus and then observed a pushing match between our new guide (a tiger lady) and another driver as they argued over who was going to get the passengers.  The tiger lady picked up a couple people in town to fill in the empty seats.The price for the 35 K ride was $2.50.

Our bus trip up to the mountain was eventful.  Driving in Vietnam is always a hair raising experience, but this was the scariest I have seen so far.  Our bus driver was passing everyone, even on the corners. Once we narrowly missed another bus, once a truck and one time a motorbike ran into our bus.  No one was hurt but the driver yelled out the window at the bike. Our room wasn't ready when we arrived – it was only 8:30am, so we had breakfast and decided to take a trek to a local village.

Our hotel, H’Mong Sapa Hotel hires local staff and works with Sapa O’Chau tours, who also hires local guides and helps to educate their guides as well as support the local schools. Most of the youth from the villages only stay in school through 9^th grade.  The high schools cost to attend and most of the children are needed to help work to support their families, or in the case of the young girls their own children as most get married at 15.

Our first trek was to Cat Cat Village to see the waterfall and then onto another village Xi Chai. It was about 6 miles, usually either going straight down or up. Our guide, Chinh (19) was wonderful, he is from Cat Cat village and we met many of his family along the way. He shared so much about their culture and his family and lifestyle. In their culture when you are ready to take a wife you do so by kidnapping her. His brother (who at 23 has been married 3 times) kidnapped his first wife by breaking into her home with 5 men.  She stayed with him 3 days until they went to her parents to pay the bride fee.  She refused to go back.  His second wife stayed wife him for a year before leaving him to marry someone else.  The third wife he took off of the street.  It is much cheaper this way.  The bride fee is only $50 US if you take her from the street instead of her home.  I was really taken aback at first when Chinh explained this, but it isn’t quite as brutal as it sounds.  I understood that the women’s family usually know in advance of the kidnapping, and the women are free to go back to their families if they don’t want to stay.  Chinh can’t ask for a wife for another year as his brother just got married, they can only have one marriage per family, per year. His 3 younger sisters have all been kidnapped and married.  The youngest is 15, the oldest is 17 and she has 2 children. 

Our trek on day two was very long, but we are so glad we went.  Walking through the many rice paddies, small villages and countryside was breathtaking.  Once again our guide, Louis, was so incredible. I am not sure if the people are as genuinely as nice as they seem, or if Sapa O’Chau tours offers suggestions to their guides on customer service. It doesn't matter – we felt like we were best friends with both guides after spending several hours with them, talking about our families, sharing bits about our cultures and teaching them English while learning (trying) a few H'mong word and phrases from them. At the end of the day we would help our guides with their homework, which was learning a few new words in English, such as anxiety. Try to explain that word to a none English speaker.

This trek took almost all day and was about 12 miles by the time we were through. We went through several small villages before ending up at the Red Dao (pronounced Zao) village where we spent a few minutes in a mineral bath. We were unfortunate to end up at the bath at the same time a group of Vietnamese men were there who had already been partaking in much rice wine and beer.  They were very loud which took away some of the joy of our visit and bath.  John and I had a “private” room with two barrels.  You sit in the barrel of very hot water that has been steeped in many different herbs.  It smelled a little like eucalyptus.  We were already so hot that the hot water wasn’t that refreshing.  We sat in the barrels for as long as we could – only about 10 minutes of the allotted 25. 

My words won’t be able to describe the scenery – so the link to the pictures is here.

It is such a different world in Sapa. The life of the people  in the villages is simple. Although it has been very changed by the tourist industry which is about 20 years old, their lifestyle in the villages has stayed the same. They do have electricity but only for lights and the occasional T.V.. Their homes are one or two rooms and if they have a second floor it is to dry and store the corn and rice.  They cook over fires, usually inside.  They work hard at farming and the women at their sewing and embroidering. The women play up their lack of education a bit as they ask you to buy their crafts from them, and those with babies usually ask for you to help support their children by buying their products.  They will follow you as you walk through town and on the treks. I liked when they followed us on a trek because that is when we really got to talk to them. We always bought from them trying to spend at least $100,000 VND (about $5) each. Very little for the amount of work they put into their products as well as the amount of time they put into the sale. They were tireless as they walked along for many kilometers, caring their heavy baskets, trying to teach us a few words in Hmong, asking us our name, where we were from, etc.  They all speak at least that much English.  I can now say, thank you, hello, and goodbye in Vietnamese and H'mong. The ladies in the town don’t really want to visit, they only want us to buy from them, which we did – too much.  I really enjoyed watching my husband bargaining with the ladies.  

It is so beautiful here - have I mentioned that before?  It got very warm during the day although at night it was cool as we sat on the balcony with a bottle of wine and John enjoying his cigar watching the stars come out. There is so much light in Haiphong we seldom see the stars – and they are so close here. It is about 5500 feet in elevation and very foggy, wet and green. It is like Shangri-La.

A few other tidbits –

The H'mong language was never written down so they write their words as they sound in English.

Rice, black cardamom (the spice) and indigo plant (to dye the fabrics) are their biggest crops.  They all have water buffalo as well as pigs, ducks and chickens to support their families.  Every spare corner grows a vegetable or plant to feed their families or their animals.    

Getting acclimated –

Llife is always an adventure and my trip to Viet Nam was no disappointment.  The night before I left, Seattle was hit by thunderstorms.  It sounded great and made for some awesome sleeping weather, but unfortunately the storms didn’t clear up in time for my flight and my first flight was delayed long enough to make me miss my connection to Tokyo.  Alaska Airlines came to the rescue and put me on a flight to LA, then Hong Kong and finally arriving in Hanoi 12 hours after my original flight was due to arrive.

It was great to be back in Viet Nam.  I wish I had taken video of our taxi ride from the airport to the hotel. It is indescribable, you have to experience it yourself.  The good thing is everyone looks out for everyone else – it doesn’t always seem like it as they are passing on the shoulder, driving with two cars in one lane and narrowly missing trucks and motorcycles as they squeeze through to get to their destination.  I don’t see road rage or accidents. I am sure they happen, but it doesn’t seem like it happens very often. The video below is from a much tamer ride from the Hanoi to Hai Phong.

Hanoi has grown since my last visit in 2007. It is much busier and more sophisticated than before.  The people are still very friendly and school children love to practice their English on us calling out “Hello” as we walk by.

We went out to a place for lunch that I remembered going to with Christina and Maggie many years ago. But it was hot and by the time we checked into our awesome suite at the Melia Hotel, I was a sweaty, stinking mess. My husband on the other hand seemed quite cool and collected. After a short nap we walked to Hoan Kiem Lake and had dinner on a roof top restaurant.  Made it back to the hotel and slept great from about 11pm to 7am. 

The following day about an hour before our driver was to pick us for the drive to Hai Phong, the wind came up and the rain came down hard.  The rain stopped just as we were having the bags loaded into the van. It was pretty clear most of the way until we got to our home and another downpour showered us as we unloaded my many bags and boxes.  A group of boys were playing soccer out on the street when we arrived and I saw one of them lay down in the street which was quickly filling with water as the rain came down hard. He laughed, jumped up, shook himself off and went on with the game.

Our home is a four story “villa” located near one of the many rivers in Hai Phong and down a couple of buildings from a Karaoke bar. There are empty lots (very narrow) on each side of us but a house behind us.  Even though our home is 4 stories, the other houses on our street rise way above ours.  I hope I get to meet some of our neighbors and see the insides of their homes at some point. Can’t imagine what they do with all the room. I think I will have to study my Vietnamese a little bit first.   

It is hot, hot, hot here.  John said it took him about 3 weeks to feel acclimated.  I am trying my best to get outside as often as possible and walk.  Today’s walk was a little too much during the heat of the day. We headed home after lunch for a siesta and will try again this evening.  

Our lives re-imagined, re-engineered, redesigned...just some random thoughts from the other half (John); including an update on my flight to Hanoi. 

What an exciting adventure but all of the work not to mention the time apart is very difficult! Especially the goodbyes and the distance. The empty feeling of being away from the one you so dearly love and rely on (and yes, sometimes take for granted); is right now unbearable. After a life time of so many goodbyes, so many "leaving on a jet plane’s, you would think it would be a bit easier; but it’s not, if anything much more difficult. Much much more difficult.

Dawn and I keep telling each other that we just have to keep looking forward, two months will fly by and we will be in this adventure here together. What an amazing opportunity, once in a lifetime to explore and to absorb another culture.

The flight here... one word to describe...long. Actually more like excruciatingly long. Seattle to San Francisco am nice short 2 hour flight, 3 hours lay over, and then off to Tokyo 12 hour flight, then a 3 layover before the 5 hour finishing leg to Hanoi. So roughly a whole day plus in the air or airports...exhausting. Doesn't help that I don't sleep well on planes but to United's credit, the flights to SF and Tokyo were smooth, in fact on the entire SF to Tokyo flight except for taking off and landing the seat belt sign was kept off (that never happens); the flight attendants seemed relatively friendly (or doing a good job of faking it) and the food... surprisingly edible. The Japan Airlines flight was a good one too and the service level genuinely exceptional but....  the food, not even close to edible... too bad but Dawn had packed a care 'snack' package for both my colleague and I (complete with sandwich, snack food and a liquor); and so I didn't starve and (probably) thanks to the vodka I was able to sleep a couple of hours.

Second day of three in Hanoi before heading to Haiphong for a week of meetings. Much as I remembered it from my trip in November of 07 except much hotter…in the 90s with a matching humidity. The word stifling comes to mind… hard to get used to but hopefully running around in this heat combined with eating “greener” will make for a healthier me. The people as I remember them, very nice and hospitable, had a couple of great interviews for my project assistant position yesterday. Two of the 3 candidates were very impressive, good start!

The city a very crowded, dense sea of old and new, beautiful and worn (but not dirty), little markets everywhere and throngs of people selling their wares (from food to clothes) walking down every street. Every type of shop selling everything you can imagine from touristy items to expensive clothes and everything in between. And the cooking and eating outside on the sidewalks with families and friends gathered around (in the heat); eating and chatting away. The food looks very good but I’m going to take a while to figure out what I like. No snake for me (not yet anyway).

A subject that stands on its own merits or de-merits is the traffic. The phenomenon of watching thousands upon thousands of scooter and bikes and cars (mostly small scooters) converge on intersections and merging in a scary chaotic but somehow (for the most part) safely synchronized dance, is quite remarkable but not for the weak of heart. Sometime 3 or 4 at a time on a scooter, little kids and animals included; most wearing helmets but some not all. And plenty of close calls but I haven’t seen an accident (yet).

Great walk today, except for the sweltering heat; wandered mostly and managed to keep from getting ran over. But I also met a group of Vietnamese college students that were working on their English and a survey of tourists. They ended up interviewing me about all kinds of things from everything about the U.S. to food, family and politics. It was a very interesting discussion with some very bright young people.

I will try to take as many photos as possible, it’s the only way to do this story justice.

Starting our new life adventure

The closer we get to retirement the more we wanted to do something that would/could make a difference. And then - the opportunity came our way.  In the next 5 days John will be leaving to Hai Phong, Viet Nam working for an NGO - Peace Winds America, Dawn will follow in a couple of months. This blog is to capture the highlights, and maybe medium-lights of our journey. Hopefully it will help us remember what we did during our time as Expats.  We are leaving behind our family, parents, children, grandchildren and Bubba (our aging Bulldog) as we move 6,812 miles across the Pacific and much closer to the equator.

Here we are taking some R&R at Cedarbrook Lodge in SeaTac.  Who would of thought that there was a hidden gem in the middle of town.  A great place for some quiet time.  Pluses - nice rooms, wonderful bathrobes, sustainable resort and a great  restaurant (pricey - but worth it). We brought our own bottle of wine and love that they don't charge a corkage fee for Washington wines.  We were gifted a bottle from Napa that we had saved for a special occasion so we couldn't take advantage of that perk. Minuses - no Sunday morning paper.