Joy is all about friendship

I don’t always feel terribly homesick.  I miss my friends and family and I hate missing out on everything that is happening back home.  Sometimes you just have put those thoughts aside and keep plugging away.  I really thought I had everything handled, until we received our first visitors from the US. 

John and I headed into Hanoi to meet up with a group from the Washington Agriculture and Forestry Education Foundation that was traveling to Vietnam.  Among the travelers were two very good friends.  For two days I was walking on air.  You know joy?  That overwhelming feeling of happiness where you just know everything is going to be ok?

Of course there were a couple of glitches.  I made reservations at a different hotel than the one they were staying at (same name, same street, and slightly different address). The weather was soooo cold, the coldest, wettest and drizzliest it has been so far.  Instead of waiting for them in the lobby as they walked in the door from their very long trip; we were sitting just down the street, waiting in a very empty and quiet lobby.  All was OK – they arrived and I got to show them all my favorite spots of Hanoi.

Checking out Hanoi with Cheri & Robin

Early morning walk and
exercise

 Cooking class at Hanoi Cooking Centre

Trip to Duong Son Ancient Village

With the hat, or without the hat???? I like it, but will he actually wear it?

I think she needs to keep the hat for sure.

 Visit to Ba Vi and Homestead Village

  

Bi Vi Mountain in the background

Catching fish for lunch

Cooking the fish

Thuy An Orphanage

Taking one of the always popular selfie's.  He was really happy, it just doesn't look like it.

Since Robin and Cheri were traveling part of the time with the group, John and I slipped out early to get the house ready for a party to welcome the delegation to Hai Phong while they made their way to Ha Long Bay. Our trip home turned into a Vietnam nightmare.  Our taxi driver was told to go to the wrong bus station so we went several kilometers out of our way before we realized the error.  We told him “bus to Hai Phong” and he responded with “Okay, Okay” in such a determined manner we believed him.  15 minutes later when I finally realized we were still going the wrong way I showed him the map, and again “Bus to Hai Phong”.  Once again “Okay, Okay” 10 minutes later we arrived at the train station. 

I like taking the train. It is a comfortable but long (4 hour) ride to Hai Phong where the bus takes a mere 2.5 to 3 hours. And while doing my diligent pre-trip work I knew that the last train left at 6pm and it was now 6:30 and I was pretty darn sure that the train was not going to work.  Before we could say “BUS” the taxi driver was taking our bags out of the trunk and the train personnel were taking them away.  John and I looked at each other, and in the way that you know your spouse after 27 years of marriage, with a quick nod I ran after the luggage and John went to purchase the tickets.  As I am trying to scramble onto the train the one piece of luggage that the conductors didn’t take was the very important case of wine for the party.  I looked back to see my very agile husband jump over the case of wine and run across the tracks to the train.  I start to yell, “get the wine, get the wine, get the wine,” which of course he can’t hear.  So finally – back he goes to get the wine, we heave it on the train and off we go, because of course they were holding up the train just for us.

I mentioned before previous train rides were quite comfortable with nice soft seats, a movie playing and food service.  This was a different train. Hard benches, loud train noises and even louder voices.  Most of the time I love listening to the soft tonal language of Vietnamese.  The sound is as beautiful as the people, unless they are yelling.  Ôi Chúa ơi! – they were yelling to be heard over the loud noise of the train and it was not pretty, cackling is what comes to mind when I try to describe the noise.  John and I looked at each other – can we handle this for 4 hours???? Just then the beverage cart went rolling by and I sent John after it to buy beer.

Almost 2 hours into the trip I was feeling as though I couldn’t handle the noise for a moment longer and decided to pull out google maps to see how close we were to Hai Phong.  We had somehow caught the express train – which is only 2 hours between Hanoi and Hai Phong.  All of the sudden the loud noise wasn’t so bothersome.  As we pulled into the city John and I smiled at each other – almost home.  Just then I felt something tickling my ankle   . . .  I was sure it was a rat, but only a very large cockroach.

to be continued . . . .

We have been apart for all the holiday's this year and just got back together in time to celebrate our 27th Anniversary.  We both did some reflecting and ended up writing a few things we wish we had known all those years ago.  See below for first John's "things I would tell my younger self" and then Dawn's. It was interesting to us to see many of things were similar.

New Year’s Eve 2014 (John)

Just me and my music, vodka and my ever dependable 1924 Padron Aniversario. Tomorrow Dawn arrives after what seems like a forever 6 weeks back home. Another Patsy Cline sad song, another puff of smoke, tomorrow cannot come too soon.

Lots of time to think about everything; and as you get older, the more you have to think about, and the more you think about your life so far. When you’re younger you don’t have time to think or at least in my case you don’t take the time to think about your life. When I was younger I looked at 60 and thought, wow that is really old! Forty wasn’t bad, even 50 was bearable, but man when you turn 60 it really hits you; it does make you think. And being isolated in a foreign country gives you even more time to look back and contemplate, reminisce and wonder. You measure your life in terms of wins and losses, the many mistakes and the lessons learned. What you have and what you could have had, what you could have accomplished and what you did accomplish.  And yes truth be told, there are regrets… plenty of ‘could have and should have done’. But all and all, like most of us I have to be thankful, very thankful.

Great family; my partner in crime (Dawn) who really does complete me, wonderful kids that I love way too much, two beautiful granddaughters, my brothers and mom who I wish I could spend more time with, I do wish that I had had more time with my dad and sister (they past way too young); overall good health (well some would argue slipping a bit on the mental health side); great friends (some from way, way back); and I have enjoyed and found gratifying (for the most part), the different parts of my career. As for the regrets, yes I wish I had been a better son, a better father and husband, a better person overall… I’m still working on all of those things. And 98% of the time I look forward, not back.

Yes indeed life has been good and now with the Vietnam adventure, our horizons are expanded even much further than I could have ever imagined. The adventure continues into 2015.

And as a side note, I may be 60 in years but (most of the time) I still feel like I’m 25 or 30 but even better, and certainly much wiser.

The 16 things I would tell my younger self….

1. Talk less listen more, really listen… you will learn so much more
2. Find ways to take less and give more … you will be much happier. With that in mind, perform as many random and planned acts of kindness every day. You will be amazed at the power you have to make people feel good and to make your community and world a better place.
3. Don’t be afraid to love, it will break your heart for sure, but it will also bring you incomparable happiness; and when it knocks you down, you will get up stronger and if you are as lucky as I am, you will find a partner that makes you smile and laugh every day, makes you strive to be a better person every day.
4. Always, every single day set you mind to making the day the best day not only for yourself but for everyone around you. Be inspired and strive to inspire.
5. Be positively audacious, you will have more fun and the people around you will too. Life can be boring at times; think outside the box and create fun.
6. Don’t be afraid to laugh or cry, you are human don’t pretend not to be. Besides both will make you feel better.
7. Learn to dance and learn to play an instrument or two. Sing (even if you don’t think you can).
8. When it comes to a career, find something you really, really feel love and feel good about doing, then find a way to make that your career. Don’t let your career be just a job. And remember, it’s never too late to get out of a bad ‘job’. (and yes, same with relationships)
9. Be passionate, remember the things you are passionate about are not random, they are your calling.
10. Cherish and spend as much time with your family as possible; tell them and everyone that you love, that you do love them; and show them that you love them, hug them often. Remember you can’t put your arms around a memory.
11. Exercise (lots); good for your body and your mind.
12. Take the time to travel, see new places, meet new people…explore as much as possible. It too will make you a better person.
13. Keep an open mind towards everything and be willing to change your mind. Don’t get locked into the so very limiting mindset of believing or thinking that things should be the way you have always been told they should be. Consider all options and alternatives and you decide for yourself what is right, what is best, what you should stand for and what you should stand against.
14. Let go as much as possible, of your ego of any false pride. It’s okay to ask for help; again you are only human.
15. Learn to forgive, forget the hurt and who caused you pain. Realize that the secret to being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time.
16. And finally… remember what matters most is not the first chapters of your life but the final chapter that shows how well you ran the race, how well you lived. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe, appreciate, be inspired and inspire, sing and dance, be audacious, love and make the very most out of very moment; because one day you will wish so much that you had.

New Year’s Eve 2014 (Dawn)

It is New Year’s Eve and I am somewhere over the Pacific alone on a flight with 400 or so other people. I love New Year’s because it is the one time of year that I take the time to reflect on my life and to set goals for the next year.  About 10 years ago I realized how lucky I am and what a good life I have had. It wasn’t always easy but as soon as I understood that it is the hard times that make the goods times better I was able to be a little happier with what I had accomplished.

My happiest time was raising our kids. I didn’t always do a good job and I was always tired, but there is so much joy in raising a family.  Having a partner that you can argue with and love through the hard times really helps. Being married is never easy but having someone that knows you completely and loves you anyway helps you get through the difficult days. I always wish that my kids would understand how wise I am with all I have learned, despite that I take comfort in how wise they are, I learn from them every day. 

The 12 things I would tell my younger self… 

1. Take more risks.  It is so easy to play it safe but you don’t grow like you would if you took risks. When you fail there is sadness but you learned something. Nothing makes you happier or feel more accomplished than when you take a risk and you succeed.
2. Study harder.  I know – but I really wish I did.  The world has so much more to offer when you have good grades or you at least try hard. 
3. Find some way to be creative, to find your passion. My happiest times are when I allow myself to be creative.
4. Find more time to walk and hike – there is nothing better than being in nature and enjoying everything around you. 
5. Find more time to bike. Things look different when on a bike and being strong and fit will make you happier.
6. Surround yourself with creative people. There is nothing better than being around smart creative people – before you know it you are one of them.
7. Don’t waste your time on negative people. Nothing brings you down faster than being around someone who complains and gossips.
8. Always assume the best (or don’t assume you know what people are thinking). So often when I thought someone was upset with me and had the courage to ask what is  really on their mind I realized I had misread the situation.
9. Embrace your inner weirdness – there is so much joy in being weird
10. Don’t waste your time on a job you don’t enjoy
11. Learn how to argue without getting mad or upset
12. When things are hard, that is when you grow the most.  What doesn’t kill you makes your stronger, and there is always a reason for your hardships. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself when the hardships happen but look for the bright side and know when you conquer whatever the problem is – you will be better for it.

We wish you and yours a wonderful new year . . . .

Secret Garden in Hanoi

I am back in the US, alone and missing my better half, but keep remembering an encounter we had just before leaving Vietnam.  I had to make an emergency trip to Hanoi to prepare for my trip home.  Haiphong is a city of  "only" 2 million and doesn't have the amenities that the capitol city of Hanoi has, like airline ticket offices. For whatever reason, I couldn't pay for my ticket online, it had to be in person at the airline office. My favorite hashtag is #thingsaredifferenthere, but that is why we love Vietnam.

Hanoi is three hours from Haiphong by bus, and four hours by train.  We had done the train a couple of times so decided to take the bus.  This is where we first experienced the rolling stop. Upon exciting the bus in Hanoi, or trying to exit, we quickly realized that he wasn't going to actually stop.  He slowed way down to a crawl and we had to "jump" off the bus. We survived the rolling stop!

Anyway - we took advantage of the day to wander the Old Quarter and buy some gifts to bring home. One thing I was looking for was a baby gift for someone I know who is expecting (shh - still a secret). Since they are early on and don't know if it is a boy or girl yet I needed something generic.  You would think with all of those many, many shops in the old quarter I could find something adorable that wasn't for a girl or a boy.  It was really hard until we stumbled on these two darling ladies and their knitting shop set up in an alley.

The husband of one of the ladies saw John taking pictures and kept motioning for us to go down the alley, which we finally did and found this beautiful courtyard.  This is one of the many hidden treasures, right next to the hustle and bustle of the Old Quarter but very quiet and tranquil once you went inside.

See below to see what it looked like just outside.

I found a cute little knitted hat, but the experience will live on for us as one of the many reasons we find Vietnam so interesting.

We ended our day at our favorite rooftop restaurant Cau Go 

Oh - and I bought knitting needles and yarn for my next adventure, learning to knit.

Thanksgiving Reflection on the SAMMI's, Kids Without Borders, and How We Ended Up in Vietnam in the First Place

Thanksgiving makes me thankful for all we have and all those we know.  This year I am especially thankful that I get to be home with most of our family, even though we are missing those that aren't here.  Reflecting on that reminds me of how and why we ended up in Vietnam in the first place.  

Son Michael surrounded by Teach Me to Fish kids in 2008

Big sister giving her brother a ride from our trip in 2008.

Most of the people I know also know Son Michael Pham.  Son Michael is the reason John and I are in Vietnam.  To understand how we got from a Sammamish family to nomads living in Haiphong I need to go back in time, all the way to 2003 and the SAMMI Awards.

The SAMMI’s, as we like to call them, came about after the nightmare of September 11, 2001. A group of people from Sammamish got together to try to understand what in the world had happened, and what could they do to try to heal our community.  I wasn't in the room, but what I understand is that this group of visionaries decided the best way to tackle the horror of what happened was to tell the stories of people who do good things, actually people doing great things in our community.  They got busy and in three months had a list of nominees; a first class performance by the SammamishSymphony and local businesses who were willing to help foot the bill. 

By the 2^nd year the SAMMI’s were getting more notice and more nominees.  I was lucky enough to be a part of the team that helped put together the second celebration.  One of those receiving an award happened to be Mr. Pham.  We found out that he would not be in the country for the ceremony so Son Michael’s wife Judy gallantly accepted the award on his behalf.  Because of that association I got to know this good man and have been lucky enough to tag along and watch him do what he does best, giving service above self.

To try to make a very long story somewhat shorter, Son and his family were living in South Vietnam during the Vietnam American war.  His father was a high ranking military officer which put the elder Mr. Pham and his family in grave danger after the U.S pulled out of Vietnam.  They had a harrowing escape and spent years rebuilding their lives in the US, a place that at that time really didn't want them.  But they did rebuild their lives.  From the battle field to the railroad yard, the elder Mr. Pham and his wife, and Son Michael as the oldest of five children, supported their family while they struggled to adapt to their new home, learn the language and survive. 

Son Michael eventually made his way back to Vietnam 20 years after their escape.  He saw the need for support in Vietnam, especially for those who couldn’t help themselves.  This included orphans, veterans and others injured in the war or by the artillery left behind, and the many veterans and children who are suffering from the effects of Agent Orange.  Through his work there he started KidsWithout Borders, a non-profit that is twofold.  One – it inspires youth into service, by example and by support, allowing these young people to create their own projects and to volunteer while mentoring them through the process.  The second part is the support that these efforts offer to others.  The beneficiaries in the U.S include the Ronald McDonald House and the Tukwila Clothing Bank, although there are many, many more those are the two in the U.S that KWB is currently most active with.  Youth from all over the world contact  Chu Son (he is known to them as Uncle Son) and ask for his support as they hold fabulous fund raisers and events or volunteer for months at a time at a KWB supported organization which is often an orphanage in Vietnam, usually one with children with developmental disabilities.

In 2007 with students from the KWB Teach Me To Fish Program

In 2006 the summer before our daughter Maggie entered her senior year at Eastlake High School, she came to me saying that she wanted to do something that would make a difference. Not only for herself, but for someone else. She wanted to work with younger kids somehow.  At Eastlake they do (or did) a senior project.  We decided to meet with Son Michael to pick his brain on what she could do.  That is how five months later Maggie, myself and Christina our 22 year old daughter were on a midnight plane to Hanoi, Vietnam with Son Michael, a handful of Vietnam veterans and several others who were joining together for this HumaniTour. 

To say this trip changed our lives is putting it mildly.  For myself and the girls it was our first international travel – unless you call driving over the border to Canada international travel. Having the Vietnam Veterans on this trip was a bonus.  Together we lugged suitcases of clothes, books and school supplies to orphanages in town and way out of town.  Usually traveling by bus on roads that buses don’t travel.  We held disfigured children that don’t get held very often.  We played games and took older kids for a once in lifetime trip to a fancy hotel for a swim and dinner out.  We had a meal prepared by disadvantaged kids who were lucky enough to get a scholarship to learn the restaurant trade.  We had a crash course in the Vietnamese culture.  We came to understand why these people are so proud and work so hard.  I fell in love with the beauty of Vietnam and its people and 12 months later John and I were back on another HumaniTour with Son Michael.  Some of the things we did were the same, some were very different, but it was just as impressive.  I just got back from my third trip with Son Michael (November 2014). If possible this trip held even more meaning for me.  It was challenging, exciting, and very moving. Maybe it is because it was such a small group this time, or maybe it was because I spent more one on one time with some of the most severely disabled children.

 Maggie handing out treats

Christina holding one of the younger children at Go Vap Orphanage in HCMC

 Traveling by bus to one of the rural areas of Vietnam so help open a school 

When I started writing today, I was going to write about that last trip.  But I think this is long enough.  I am on my way home for a long visit and then when I return I will join Son Michael once again as he tours Vietnam bringing with him this time a group of businesspeople from Seattle.

When thinking of Son Michael and the SAMMI’s I am so grateful for all the mentors I have had in my life.  Besides Son Michael, every single one of those people who sat down and came up with the SAMMI Awards have had a huge influence on me.  When you surround yourself with such great people you just have to have a great life, right?  Son Michael was a major influence in John’s receiving his position in Vietnam, which is slowly changing who we are. Unfortunately, I had to leave John in Haiphong all alone (except for those 2 million other Haiphong people) while I travel back to be surrounded by friends and family.  Being alone together has been really good for us.  Thankfully he will follow in 3 weeks for a longish visit.  And of course being thankful is what this week is all about.

2014 HumaniTour at the Renaissance School in HCMC

 With John in 2007 on Ha Long Bay

and early this month in Hanoi

Gardens or Garbage?

Living in Vietnam makes me appreciate how far we have come in taking care of our trash in the US, at least in the Seattle area.  I can remember as a kid seeing cans, bottles and papers along the road and in our parks.  Over the years there have been many efforts to deter littering, so much that it is politically incorrect (thankfully so) for anyone to toss their garbage anywhere but in a garbage can and to make sure that recyclables get recycled.  Our kids grew up with recycling.  It is second nature for them to separate the trash and recycling and for the most part they are thoughtful about the trash they create, or don’t create. 

In Vietnam there are very few garbage cans on the street and recycling is not the norm. I did see one garbage can in Ho Chi Minh City when we were there last week, usually they are nonexistent. Trash is put on the curb of the street. The garbage is then swept up and collected daily by the garbage ladies, it is almost always women who get this lovely job, hmmm.  It is the same in neighborhoods. We put our plastic bag of trash out on the sidewalk every day for the trash lady to collect.  Usually before she arrives two other ladies ride by on their bicycles and go through our trash to take out whatever they can sell – automatic recycling. Once the garbage is collected it is taken to sorting areas. As far as I can tell those that collect the trash go through each bag and sort it.  I haven’t been able to find out what happens next.  Unfortunately our garbage lady hasn't been very regular and the garbage collects until the homeowners (or in our case, the cleaning ladies) move the trash from in front of the homes to one of the empty lots or until they burn the trash. I haven’t been able to bring myself to do either; burn the trash or dump it in the empty lot across the street. 

There is a wonderful exception to the empty lot as a trash collection site. Many lots have been taken over for gardening. I love seeing these impromptu gardens that spring up everywhere.  Besides the empty lots I have seen the gardens in traffic circles and sidewalks, practically any spare green space that is plantable is planted.  

But change is happening in developing countries, especially in Vietnam. Recently John received an invitation inviting us to attend an event which was partnering with a volunteer group, Youths for a Green Economy. The event was organized by a composting and recycling entrepreneur who is working in a few of the local communes to get the homeowners to compost their food waste and recycle their plastic trash.  We had very little idea of what they were doing until we arrived at the event.

Our host for this event was Mr. Diep. I want to know more about Mr. Diep and his passion is to change Vietnam to become a country with much less waste.   He has developed a product which will help the food waste break down faster so that the farmers in the communes will be more likely to compost their food waste.  He has also started a recycling center for plastics.   Mr. Diep’s volunteers went from house to house in two groups, John in one group with Mr. Diep and I was in the other group with John’s project assistant Ms. Nhung who translated for me. 

It was such a wonderful day.  I loved seeing how passionate, although somewhat frustrated, that these young people are.  Changing society is difficult and we could only relay our stories on how things were in the old days in the US and what they are now.  There is so much opportunity right now for change and investment in this country.  It will be slow and it will be frustrating because there is so much change that needs to happen, but it is so exciting to be here at this time.  We are extremely lucky that we are invited to see some of these events and see the change that is happening.  

Please consider donating $10 for the sound system for the school for the blind

This has been an incredible week for me.  A visit from Son Michael Pham, Founder and Director of Kids Without Borders has led me to parts of Vietnam that I haven't been before and that are out of the normal tourist track for most visitors.  There was so much to take in that I will need a week or two to collect my thoughts to be able to share all we saw during this week.

Part of our travels took us back to the school for the blind in Haiphong.  The women in the International Expat Group of Haiphong have been able to raise almost all of the $4000 plus needed for the sound system for the students. The fundraising effort ends in a couple of weeks and we are almost there.  Any extra fund would be used to purchase software and hardware for the computer lab.

During our second visit we had more time to visit with some of the students and heard more success stories on how the sound system will help many students be able to learn a skill that they can use to help support themselves.

The gentleman in yellow in the picture above is a former student and is now the music teacher at the school.  We were listening to the young lady (standing) sing while the gentleman next to her accompanied here on the organ. The sound coming from the students was lovely.  Having access to music at the school enabled the teacher to enroll in a public high school and then in a special music school so that he could get the training needed and is now teaching and helping other blind students to be successful.

This young lady in the photo above has very limited vision.  The director of the school created this desk top that can lift to allow for a better angle for the students and has lighting that doesn't go into their eyes but onto the paper.  The desktops were designed and built at the school.  Notice how beautiful her handwriting is.

Ms. Nhung - John's assistant at Peace Winds is a teacher at heart. The students seemed to realize this and surrounded her during their recess.  This young lady wouldn't let her go.  

We still need to raise about $300 - I am hoping my friends, family and the KWB supporters can help by donating $10 each.  We will only need to find 30 people to each donate $10 on the KWB website. You can help by sharing and liking this post and mentioning your support.  Or just share and like with a mention of the fundraising effort.  

The government of Haiphong supports the school at about 50% of the cost.  The parents who can afford it pay the rest of the cost for their student.  Anything else that is needed is provided through fundraising and donations. The biggest priority of the staff is keeping as many children in the school as possible so their fundraising covers the cost of the scholarships for parents who can't afford to pay.  

Once they are out of the school there are very few options for these kids.  Most don't go on to public high school.  I know we can all imagine what it would be like to not only be sight limited, but to have a future with nothing to look forward to.  There aren't many non-profits or charities around to help.

The Director and staff that we met with care so much about the students and work really hard, as do all teachers.  

Donations can be made online at http://kidswithnoborders.org/donate0.aspx.  Please be sure to put Blind School Project in the designation line.  KWB is a 501c3 charity and your donation is tax deductible. If you use the "other" designation be sure not to use $ or a decimal point.  If you have any problems with the donation button contact smp@kidswithnoborders.org.  

If you have any other questions - please be sure to email me at dawndsanders@gmail.com